Comment Wall

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Comments

  1. Hi Robbie!
    I thought your take on the Timid Rabbit tale was so fun and playful. You were able to personalize two characters (the monkeys) in a way that fit them together as the mischievous duo while still individualizing each of them; the clumsy monkey is always getting into trouble and the other monkey is along for the ride but is still a little more aware and careful. Just out of curiosity, is there a reason why you chose the lion, wolf, and bear to be the standout animals from the group that got scared? Anyway, I think you did a fantastic job of creating your own plot that still made sense with the original story. As for the writing itself, I think you could vary your sentence structure a little bit to give a better flow to the overall story. Most of your sentences are all structured very similarly, so it became a little repetitive for me to read. So, I think you might consider starting more sentences with prepositions, conjunctions, etc. and/or changing the length of sentences where longer sentences could be followed by sentences with just a couple of words to spice your writing up a bit. On that note, I think your last sentence should end on a strong note. It begins with the word ‘lesson’ which is what your previous sentence ends with, so it sounds a little redundant. As such, you may consider combining the two or starting your final sentence as “Do not be so afraid…” or something like that.
    Another small note that I have is that your home page has a lot of blank space under the banner photo, so I was wondering if there was any way you could minimize that? It is just a little detail. Your banner photo is amazing though!
    P.S. I love your comment wall image.

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  2. Hello Robbie! I just finished reading your story "The Clumsy Monkey" and came here to leave a comment. As soon as I got here I laughed out loud at your comment wall photograph. Very funny! Before reading your story I went and re-read the original story to refresh my mind. Something you may consider doing is implementing a short summary of the original story into your author's note. With that said, you did a phenomenal job describing what changes you made to the original in you author's note. The changes you made to the original made it a very fun story to read. I really like how you ended your story with a lesson that the animals learned. Lastly, I really like the layout of your site. It is visually appealing, and has a great layout that makes it easy to navigate! With that beautiful forest image, you may consider making it larger because it really goes with the theme of the story. Great work, Robbie!

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  3. Robbie, I really loved the picture you had on the home page of your Indian Epics Portfolio. In the first story, “The Clumsy Monkey”, I liked how you wrote the story from the perspective of the monkey. The story will have a different meaning when told in another perspective, and I really liked that you took that approach. I liked how you added emotions to the animals. By adding their fear of the coconut – a foreign sound for them at the time – in hindsight it is quite funny. I think emotions are a really good way to express how the characters are feeling during the situation and brings more life to the story. I really liked the picture you had on the “House of Fire” page. I liked the approach of focusing more on the meaning of the story, by taking out the names, that could otherwise confuse the reader. Its like a math problem, unwanted information can really confuse you. Both stories were engaging! Well done!

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  4. Hey Robbie, I like the your storybook so much. I think that is is very creative that you used different background picture for each of the story. I read your story about House of Fire. It is quite interesting how you set up the setting with Joe being the favorite child. There is always the favorite child in each family. Needless to say that the favorite child sometimes has amazing confident and good in everything that he/she does. When you tell this story, I feel like I can relate to the character very well, because you told it in his position. I can feel his oppression, his fear, and his isolation. It is not a good feeling. The drive of emotion throughout the story was really good and I hope that you will able to translate there emotion to the next story as well. Good job on your story. I think that some dialogue can build good conversation among characters as well.

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